Stupid Bike Lane

I'll be honest here, I don't know which is more stupid; the bike lane, or the amount of effort that has gone into creating a short film to depict the bike lane. But its still humorous.

Aloha!

Hello all!

Welcome to the Success Unlimited Blog! I can't promise we'll post often as we're supposed to be working, but every now and again we might just bring you something fun. I hope that what we write amuses you and occasionally brings you something you find interesting, but I suspect we'll just use you as a spring board as we develop new ideas!

First up is an idea I had on the way home from work when I was once again baffled by how people survive in Bradford. If I had to put money on it, I'd bet that my 4 year old cousin could drive better... So I knocked up a quick guide to visiting Bradford and making sure you fit in when you do! (This is a part of the whole spring board thing I was talking about!) Enjoy...!

If you’re travelling by car:

• You should ensure that your car has at least 5 large dints along the front and sides, if it has any less than you should drive into a couple of people on your way in.
• You are permitted to drive in any lane you choose – regardless of oncoming traffic
• You may park anywhere you like, so long as you have your hazard lights on. Once your battery dies you should park somewhere else.
• In car phone kits are not necessary – you can hold your phone whilst driving. This is most effective if held in the left hand and change gear with the right.
• Smoking is encouraged – if you choose to smoke and talk on the phone at the same time, you should use the left hand for both activities.
• Only Galaxy FM is permitted, or if you prefer, a CD is acceptable although this should only have music with a loud and constant beat. The more annoying, the better.
• You should also note that any music should be played loud enough so that the person 3 cars in front of you can hear it.
• Seatbelts are optional and should not be worn by any serious drivers, and most certainly not by children.
• Should you choose to let anyone out at a junction, no prior warning is necessary – you can just stop and look at them impatiently.

If you’re travelling by train or bus:

• Prior planning is necessary – you must ensure that you buy an ipod and load it with the aforementioned tunes. As before, you should play these loud enough for others to hear. Note that public transport is often used by the elderly who may have trouble hearing, so we suggest you turn your music up extra loud so they get the benefit.
• Children are a staple accessory – the younger the better. Any less than 3 is uncool though, you should aim or around 4.
• Smoking is encouraged and celebrated by all.

If you’re travelling on foot:

• Correct footwear is essential – women should opt for stiletto heels (cheap leather boots are the best) and men should wear the oldest pair of trainers in existence.
• As before, smoking is essential as is the ipod and loud music.
• Talking on the phone should only be done if there are people within a close vicinity that can hear you.
• You should ensure that you point and wave (the cool kind, not the ‘bye grandma’ kind) at all car drivers that pass you by. The more people you do this to, the more respect you gain.
• If the car driver is rude enough to not return your gesture you are obligated to swear at them loudly. Spitting on their car as they pass is an encouraged extra.